January 2020

 WEEK ONE (January 1st - 4th) - We started off the new year and the new decade with our annual Chinese fortunes to guide us.  Can you guess who is who?  I'm not sure why everyone put their fortunes on their mouth but whatever.  Jed's: Root for the underdog.  Emily: You are a considerate and thoughtful person. Ava: You will touch the hearts of many.  Kasen: You will be capable of creating your masterpiece today.  Kinsley: Happily ever after does exist.  Dallin: Your sense of humor is a joy to all.  It is crazy to be right at the start of a new decade.  It has really caused me to think long and hard about all that has happened to me personally over the last decade and what I want my life to look like in 10 years.  Who do I want to be?  What did I accomplish that I'm proud of?  What qualities do I have that I didn't have 10 years ago?  What do I spend my day doing?  What does my relationships with Jed and the kids look like?  etc. etc.  The biggest thing that has kept coming back to me is that I want to live intentionally.  Not just go through the motions of life, but really make goals and keep them and get out and live in a big, fulfilling way.

On New Year's day we went over to celebrate John's 79th birthday.  We ate and visited and then we sat all around Grandpa as everyone asked him a question about his life.  Mallory, McKenna, and Ava had written down a whole bunch of questions and we drew out of a bowl.  It was fun to listen to Grandpa's stories.  It is crazy that his childhood was so different than ours and especially our kids.  Everything that has come to pass in his lifetime is pretty incredible.  I do have to say that John was a bit of a klepto in his younger days.  It seems odd how many times he and his friends stole a chicken or something from a neighbor!  Even Grandma was a culprit in a few of those stories!  The very last question that was asked was "How do you want people to remember you after you are gone?"  This was a pretty tender one since John gets super weepy if anybody ever mentions death so I wasn't sure how it would go.  It took him awhile to answer and he finally just said with a lot of emotion that he hoped people would say that he was a nice guy.  The more that I've thought about that the more I thought that is a pretty great legacy to leave.

WEEK TWO (January 5th - 11th) -  We didn't have much snow during December or Christmas break, but January paid us all back for that.  Thanks to not having rain gutters on our house we had some pretty epic icicles. My first thought when I saw the picture of Dallin with his icicle was "I wonder if that kid doesn't know how to lick?"  My second thought was, "Or did he impale his tongue with that icicle?"  Followed up with the thought, "Eh, either way he'll be fine."  Life of the 4th child. :)

This week Dallin and Kinsley started their gymnastics classes.  Dallin goes with Jaxon and Kinsley goes with Kenny, Heath, and Raleigh.  Both Dallin and Kinsley love gymnastics and are doing great.  It took Jaxon three weeks before he came to class and 40 minutes of the 45 minutes of the first class to try some of the exercises.  Now Jaxon is doing great.  Kinsley, Raleigh, and Heath are making great progress and I'm pretty sure Kenny has broken his neck after every class - so all in all it has been pretty entertaining to watch.  Dallin also learned a new basketball trick this week.  He dribbles the ball while kicking over it.  It seems pretty advanced to me!

This was a big and special week for Kasen.  He got ordained to the priesthood, learned to pass the sacrament, and went to do baptisms for the dead at the Idaho Falls temple for the first time.  He was so excited for all of it to happen.  The day he was ordained I was looking at him when the bishop had all the boys receiving the priesthood stand in sacrament meeting.  I was thinking about how a few days ago we were listening to John talk about his life.  He had told the kids how he had polio when he was about 10 yrs old.  The doctors told his parents that he wouldn't survive and to go home and plan the funeral while he was in the iron lung.  John's dad, Neal, (Jed's grandpa) had a brother that was a stake president.  He came with them to the hospital and gave John a priesthood blessing.  John recovered and after that he and his parents started going to church.  They had not really been active before that.  It made me think that if John wouldn't have been raised in the gospel, then Jed wouldn't have been raised in the gospel either.  Jed and I wouldn't have married if that would have been the case because I had made a commitment to marry a returned missionary.  So Kasen wouldn't even exist.  It made me think that our actions can have huge ripple effects that we are completely incapable of even understanding.  It also made me think that sometimes really big challenges and trials can be the catalyst to change our whole lives and set us on the right path.  Everything always connects and intertwines way more than we know.  Anyway, back to the temple.  We took Kasen on a Wednesday night.  It was so busy  - we ended up waiting over 2 hours.  Kasen was so excited we couldn't leave and come back another night.  Luckily, they took our names and kept us in order.  So we went to the cafeteria and got some dinner.  They had prime rib and Kasen thought it was pretty much the best night of his life!  Jed and Kasen got prime rib and I got soup and salad.  Jed was saying the prime rib was pretty fatty when we looked over at Kasen's plate and it was completely licked clean.  Kasen had eaten every piece of meat - fat and all.  We had a good laugh about that.  With full bellies, we went back and waited until it was our turn for baptisms.  I was able to be a witness and it was a special experience to be there with Jed and Kasen.

Jed went to a conference in Sun Valley for half the week.  Ava tried out for the Thunder Ridge volleyball club the Saturday he was gone so I didn't go with him.  She hadn't played for awhile and was pretty nervous, but did great and made the team.  The same weekend the Rigby coach called to see if she wanted to play with Rigby's club team.  We had decided against Rigby, but after talking about it we thought maybe it would be a better option.  Ava ended up praying about it and decided to play with Rigby so she will start on that team in February.

WEEK THREE (January 12th - 18th) -  This was a pretty busy week which was nice because January can either go by fast or super slow.  This week helped move the month along.  Ava had a big project due in her engineering class.  She had to solve something that was a problem to her by making a machine.  She decided to make a machine that organized books on a shelf.  One part of the hydroulics (she made out of syringes) moved the arm up and down and another hydroulic moved the arm in and out.  So she could remove books from a shelf and reorganize them on a different part of the shelf. 

Dallin was pretty sad and bored when the kids all went back to school, but his dreams came true this week because there were two snow days and everyone got to stay home.  It was actually really nice to have the kids home all day and I've been trying to talk them into homeschooling. One of my biggest focuses for this year and new decade is living intentionally.  The kids and I decided we would not watch tv during the week to get more of the important things done each day.  I thought it was ironic that they had multiple snow days the week we started!!  Amazingly, the kids didn't complain about not watching tv once.  They stayed busy and played and read.  It was great.  Now if we could just get Jed on board...

Friday we left for Utah because Kasen's basketball team was playing in a tournament in SLC.  We found out his team wasn't playing until Saturday, but we had already booked our hotel for Friday night and it was too late to get a refund.  We had a fun weekend and the boys were really excited to use their Nike giftcards they got for Christmas.  Kasen got some Air Jordans to match with Dallin.  They were both pretty excited.

We stayed at an Embassy Suites and the best part about it was that they had such a good breakfast each day.  They had an omelet station and french toast.  They had a great fitness center and we spent a couple different nights in the pool.  We spent Sunday afternoon at Trena's house which was fun.  And the boys spent the night watching football playoffs squished in the hide-a-bed. Right outside of the window by the elevators of our hotel we could see the Jordan River temple.  It was so pretty especially at night.  We could also see another temple further out to the west.  We called around to 3 different temples to go do baptisms but they were all booked out and said it would be a 2-3 hr wait so we didn't end up going to any.

Kasen's team did good and won 2 of their 3 games.  The facility they played at was nice and there were four games going continuously the entire time. Jed and I talked about what a great investment that would be for somebody as there is such a shortage of gym space here in Rigby and eastern Idaho in general. 

We also were able to stop and see the Monsons.  The kids had fun playing together.  James is gaining on Kinsley and will probably pass her up soon!  Liam announced as soon as we got there that he was super excited to be Kinsley's servant.  Aiden is still like a brick wall and just zooms around as happy as can be. 

WEEK FOUR (January 19th - 25th) - Monday we finished up the tournament and headed home.  There was plenty of new snow waiting for us.  The kids were hoping for more snow days but didn't get any this week.  I have set a few new habits this month.  One of those is waking up at 5am and completing a morning routine which includes personal development, exercise, scripture study, and getting ready.  I feel so good when I do this!  I also started a new semester so I knew I wanted to make sure I accomplished the most important things to start my day off right.  The first couple of days I got pretty tired in the afternoon so Dallin and I took a little cat nap on my bed which was really me napping for 3 minutes while Dallin rubbed my face and talked the entire time.

Firth played Ririe this week so we went up to watch Jace play and Jordan coach.  It was fun and they both did great.  Dallin really got into dancing on the bleachers during the half-time performances and anytime the band played.  Dallin also discovered hot dogs and he loves them so much.

Saturday Kasen had a basketball tournament in Pocatello so he and Jed went to that.  The girls and I and Dallin went to a baby shower for cousin Josh and his wife Karli.  Dallin was right in the middle of the gift opening.  He was so excited anytime Karli opened anything.  He would scream, "Oh wow! I love that!"  No one can ever accuse Dallin of not being enthusiastic.

During the day Kinsley went with Raleigh to a Ririe HS cheerleaders camp.  They learned lots of skills and a routine to perform that night at the girls basketball game.  Kinsley and Raleigh did great and Kins said she had so much fun.  They wanted her to be a flier during the performance, but she said she was too nervous and instead was a front spotter.  She did really good.  Kinsley has been scared of heights since she was a little girl so I wasn't surprised about it.  She thought I would be mad at her but I told her I never wanted to be flier either because I was scared of getting dropped too and then she felt better about it.  Meanwhile Kasen's team ended up winning their tournament!

WEEK FIVE (January 26th - 31st) - The kids had a few more snow days this week.  Kinsley ended up making everyone an ice cream berry pie.  We weren't sure Dallin would survive waiting for it though.

Kasen had a big project due in his class about an American hero.  He chose Benjamin Franklin and did a great job.  The kids had to act like they were in a wax museum.  So when parents came to see the projects we had to push a button and then the kids would give their speeches.  Kasen worked really hard to memorize his and was very excited to dress up like Ben.  His favorite part was being fat and stuffing his shirt with a blanket.  His poster was very detailed and probably the best one there.  GT in Eagle prepared him well for this.  He had games at Rexburg the same night and Dallin got to sneak away with us to go to it.

HAZEL BLUE RELAUNCH - Last October I had a feeling that started growing and growing that the online boutique I had started with/for the girls was not the direction I was supposed to be heading.  I'm not really sure when I started having those feelings but it started around conference weekend.  There was so much I had learned but the girls weren't really that interested in it like we had originally thought and it was taking a lot of time for me.  By the end of December I had decided I wasn't going to continue on with it after the first of the year.  At the same time I was getting ready to sign up for my winter semester classes at BYUI.  I was torn between finishing some marketing classes and graduating with a certificate in social media marketing or switching from an online student to a campus student and taking a Russian class.  By taking a higher level Russian course and passing it I would be able to apply for lower Russian class credits and be able to graduate in April.  Graduating a semester early seemed like a great option, but the Russian class was 4 days a week right in the middle of the day.  I wasn't sure how or who I would find to be able to watch Dallin.  Plus I wasn't super excited to drive to Rexburg four days a week or be in a class with young college kids.  But I loved the idea of getting those Russian credits.  On the other hand, something kept telling me that continuing with business classes and learning some marketable skills like social media marketing could be beneficial.  Learning new skills are always a good idea.  I never really felt like I got a clear answer from prayer on what to do.  Ultimately, I decided to continue on as an online student, even if it meant not graduating until July.  I was used to the schedule and with how busy our kids are I felt like it was better to have the flexibility to do my classes around my schedule and not have to be stressed out about finding care for Dallin.  After I enrolled in the classes and I was looking through the syllabus I found that for both classes I needed to work with a small business in their social media accounts.  At this point, I decided that it would be beneficial for me to keep Hazel Blue going to fulfill this aspect of class.  I thought I can rededicate myself for another four months.  Keeping the store open until April would mean we would be a business for a whole year which seemed an accomplishment as well so that is the path I decided to go down.  Within about 3 weeks I started to have the same feelings again that this wasn't the right path for me.  One day I was feeling overwhelmed by all the things I was expected to do and I remembered a Mormon Message by Elder Holland.  He tells the story of a dad and his son who get lost driving in the desert.  They come to a fork in the road and aren't sure which road to take so they pray for direction. They start down one road and come to a dead end or something.  The son is frustrated wondering why they weren't guided to take the other road if they had prayed about it.  The dad says that sometimes we don't get the direction right away, but Heavenly Father won't let us get too far down the wrong path before He tells us we need to change directions.  I feel like this is similar to my experience with our online boutique.  Now that I am on this path of classes though I can't really change directions.  So I will keep going until April with the store, but I know for sure that it won't continue after that.  One positive thing that has come about from the whole experience though is that I have learned so much about online technology.  I have learned how to build and code a website and online e-commerce store.  I have a whole new vocabulary when it comes to retail.  I have learned how to source product.  I have learned how to start a business legally.  I have learned about profit margins and business taxes.  I have learned about social media.  I know how to track and analyze online data, create content calendars, and post according to algorithms.  Each week with assignments for school I have had to really step outside of my comfort level and do specific things on social media.  One week I had to write a hero's journey story and share it online to build brand loyalty.  Another week I had to post to stories and do a Facebook live.  I can honestly say I didn't enjoy any of these that much! 🤣 I am not that good at making myself vulnerable and I have a hard time navigating social media because it can really take you down fast.  I also think it is pretty silly a lot of the time and has created a culture of narcissim.  So I constantly feel this tug of war with really enjoying it analytically and fighting to protect my annonymity.  It's quite the dichotomy.  Marketing in general is an interesting phenomenom.  I have been shocked at how much data a company can have on you after just a few purchases.  Long story long, I thought I'd share one of my assignments I had to do - the hero's journey.  It is amazing how after you learn something you see it everywhere.  The hero's journey is the template every Hollywood movie uses, every good fiction book, every LDS conference talk, etc.  It is pretty interesting.  I had so many responses and comments and engagement with the posts I wrote for this assignment. I felt a little guilty putting this out there because it was an assignment and embellished.  It shocked me again at how easily it is to manipulate your audience through marketing and playing on human emotion.  I had quite a few people tell me to write children's books and I do agree that this narrative would make a great children's story.  Maybe one day...

A little story...pt 1
Once there was a girl who grew up dreaming big dreams. She had people that told her to fly, but more often than not she had people that told her that she wasn’t anyone special. Who was she to have big dreams - she wasn’t smart enough, or pretty enough, or anything like that they told her. And as is so unfortunately the case, after so long the little girl started to believe the people and so she said to herself, “I will put my dream away.” And she did. Luckily though, there were moments when the dream would surface a bit and as the little girl grew up she thought “maybe... one day... I will let my dream grow again after all.” Before long the girl wasn’t so little and she met a handsome boy. He made her laugh and showered her with kindness and wrote her letters when she was far away. The girl told the boy, “When I was little I had a dream but it’s been so long ago I can’t remember it.” The boy said, “I will help you find it again.” The girl realized then that the boy was part of her dream and so they got married and went off on many adventures together....

A little story pt 2...
In the blink of an eye, the girl and the handsome boy (who had really tiny heads and disproportionately large bodies with short legs in shadow pictures) had two little girls and two little boys. The girl realized that these four little ones were part of her dream she had forgotten. She was happy and grateful but not content. The dream kept reminding her that there was more to remember and discover. Sometimes this made her excited but more times it made her scared. “Go away,” she would say to her dream. “People tell me I’m too old now and it’s too late.” But you know how dreams are - they never listen to the people. Dreams are much smarter than the dreamers who dream them. So the girl told the boy, “It’s still too fuzzy to remember.” And the boy took her hand and said, “When it’s time you will know.” So they changed diapers and made bottles and watched their kids grow. Until one day...
A little story pt 3...
The little girl of the now grown girl started to grow up. And she said, “Mom I have a dream. Will you help me?” And the mom realized she was at a crossroads. She could be like the people and tell her girl it would be too hard and too long - that people would laugh at her and talk behind her back and tell her she was trying too hard and that she would fail and that would be so embarrassing after all. Or she could tell her girl to chase the dream and never give up and go for it! The girl who was grown knew what she would do. She took her girl’s hand and said, “We will do it together.” And then the littlest girl of the girl who was grown said, “Wait for me. I want to come. I have a dream too!” And the mom said, “Can’t we spread these dreams out a little?!” But the littlest girl had a serious case of FOMO so they took her hand too because she was cute and also because she usually brought the snacks.

A little story pt 4...
Now came the hard part. How would they make their dreams come true? They thought and they thought and searched and searched. While they were thinking and searching an interesting thing happened. The brother said, “I am as good as Peyton Manning” when he wore his jersey. The other brother said, “I will be like Michael Jordan” when he wore his b-ball shoes. The handsome boy who was now the handsome dad said, “I freaking love the Nike store and their clothes and shoes make me feel awesome.” (Maybe not in those exact words from the dad but you get the picture.) The grown girl started to notice that there were lots of other grown girls who were trying to find their dreams too. Like her, they had buried them deep down and were trying to remember what those dreams looked like for them. They were scared and unsure and had listened to the people far too much. They thought they weren’t beautiful, or smart, or special. They said they were too old and it was too late. The mom and her girls thought, “Maybe we can help other girls. Maybe we can help them feel more confident. Maybe we can help them find their own dreams.” The mom and her girls decided what worked for the boys’ confidence could work for all the girls too.
A little story pt 5...
So the mom and her girls decided to start a business where other girls might find something to wear that would make them feel more confident. Maybe even something that would make them say, “I can do anything today.” They named their business after the mom’s little girls - the one with the hazel eyes and the other with the blue. They knew this wasn’t the end of their dreams but they felt confident this was a step in the right direction. But they soon learned (again) that dreams are not easy. They are actually really hard and most of the time you don’t know what you’re doing especially when it involves the backend of a website or the USPS shipping system. They also learned that posting on social media was scary and the people were still there telling them how stupid they looked and how they were trying too hard. The three girls thought “Maybe this isn’t for us - maybe dreams are silly after all.” But the handsome dad and the little boys said, “You can do it. Don’t give up until after at least a year and you beat the statistic of most new businesses failing in the first year.” (The boys love their statistics you know.) So the girls took a little break to figure some things out and decided they were ready to chase their dreams again. So as you can see this story was a bit long, but also a lot vulnerable. In the end it’s a story much less about clothes and much more about dreams. And not listening to the people too. That’s an important one. And also it’s a story to remind you that dreams don’t happen all at once. They take courage and time and someone who will hold your hand and cheer you on. They take one step forward not really knowing how it will turn out, but being brave enough to try even if you fall or fail or have to start again. Dreams are really much less about the destination and much more about the journey after all.
We believe in your dreams and thank you for helping us believe in ours so far! Good things are coming to Hazel Blue soon...

Again, I'm really grateful for the things I am learning, but I am excited to get to April and be done with putting myself out there on social media so much!