APRIL 2019

SPRING - It is always amazing to me each year how spring just sort of sneaks up on you!  April started out a little gloomy ...

and before you know it the grass gets greener and the bulbs pop out on the trees and the plants start waking up.  This yard is the best for watching spring happen.

There is always a lot of spring cleaning here even after all the work we do in the fall.  The flowerbeds all have to be cleaned out again and the trees need pruning.  Jed always has a ton to do in the yard.  There were even a few days where we broke out some popsicles.

Even with all the work there is no doubt that this yard is the stuff dreams are made of.  We absolutely love how peaceful it is and how much relaxation you get just by being outside soaking it all in.  There are so many places to explore and special little sections of the yard.  The willow tree is it's own little playground, so is the area around the fire pit, the spot on the kitchen side that Kinsley and I want to build fairy gardens in, the "secret garden" staircase, and on and on.

Dallin and I loved looking out the windows each day watching birds and flowers and tree blossoms.  One day we were outside and I counted on my phone how many days were left before school was out.  I think Dallin was as shocked as I was. :)

I swear overnight our "popcorn trees" were in bloom.  I've always loved fall the best, but spring is definitely magical.  Dallin's favorite time of the day was waiting for the school bus.  I would let him sit on the front step and when I could see the bus drop the kids off at the end of our lane I would let him go.  He would run down as fast as he could and usually meet them at the bottom of the driveway.  It was cute watching them walk up together.

SPORTS - Kasen finished another season of flag football.  He gets more confident every season.  I think he's the cutest player out there.

My favorite thing about sports with Kasen is that his dad has been there to coach and help all along the way.  I hope Kasen always appreciates his dad and how much he loves him and wants him to be happy and successful in everything he does.

Kinsley attended a volleyball camp at Eagle High school.  She was pretty excited about and I'm pretty sure she didn't know anyone there at all.  She jumped right in and started making friends and doing her best.  I was so proud of her.

Ava has continued supporting her club team even though she hasn't been able to play.  She is also a good example of having a positive attitude and doing hard things.  She always keeps a positive attitude and tries to be kind to everyone on her team.

SCHOOL - State competition for NHD came quick this month.  Ava was really excited since she had won first place at districts.  She went with her friend Claudia to a special event the night before down at the museum.  The next morning we went out to her interview.  She felt pretty good about it, but said one judge kept telling her that he didn't trust her data which made her feel pretty bad.  Of course I was annoyed about that.  We just told her that there wasn't anything she could do about the judges and just focus on all that she had learned and accomplished throughout the year.  Ava wasn't selected to continue on to nationals, but her two friends from school were including Claudia.  They will be going to Washington DC in June.  Ava was very supportive and happy for her friends.  Those are tough lessons to learn and Ava handled the whole thing with grace. Later that night to cheer her up, Jed offered her his ticket to the Avengers End Game movie so she could go with me.  She was so excited and we had a fun time together.

Kasen and Kinsley had their jog-a-thon at school.  This is a big activity for their school and Kasen was determined to win one of the top prizes for his grade this time.  Last year we had to leave early and he didn't get as many miles as he wanted.  This year though Kasen wasn't stopping until he dropped dead.  Overall, he ran over 13 miles around the track - a half-marathon!  Kinsley also did awesome and ended up running over 6 miles!

EASTER - It was nice having Easter later in the spring this year when it was warmer and drier.  Kinsley was the only one who painted eggs.  They were excited to wake up (Dallin was so excited he woke up in the middle of the night and had to sleep with us - sideways across the bed of course) to their annual Easter basket treasure hunt with clues.  Then it was off to church.  We tried to get the camera set up for a family picture, but eventually just ended up going outside and trading off taking pictures because we just weren't getting the results with the self-timer! (Kinsley's face in the picture kills me.)

That afternoon we went to Jed & Patricia's house for a Manwaring Easter FHE.  Patricia had a cute Easter egg hunt set up and the kids played and we had a fun lesson.  We were eating a yummy dinner when Dallin came in screaming with Kasen.  They had been playing on the playhouse and Dallin was climbing down the ladder when he missed the last wrung and fell down to the ground.  Kasen said he had landed on his arm and started crying.  He kept grabbing his elbow so we were worried he had broken something there or something with his hand.  He stopped crying a little, but then would get so sad and start crying all over again which wasn't normal for him.  So we drove out to Jed's office and took some x-rays.  Jed couldn't see anything so we thought maybe he just had a bad bruise or sprain.  Dallin tried really hard to be brave, but you could tell he felt awful and something just didn't seem right.  He had a rough night sleeping so I took him to the doctor and the next day.  He thought maybe he had popped his elbow out - tennis elbow - and tried popping it back in, but still Dallin did not do well so they sent us for another scan to check the collarbone.

Turns out that it was his collar bone cracked right in half.  The poor kid had to wear a sling, which he wore pretty good for the first 2-3 weeks.  It just made his whole arm feel better being supported up so I think he didn't mind wearing it.  It was sad, but also nice for him to slow down a little bit.  He never stopped and still tried to do everything he wasn't supposed to do.  I couldn't believe we had gone so long without a broken bone and then within a few months two kids with broken bones!

PERSONAL - Looking back I see that 2019 was a weird year for me.  It was definitely a year where I felt a lot of personal confusion as to figuring out who I was again.  There were a lot of days of frustration with not really knowing where I wanted to be or do or move forward in.  The first part of the year was definitely one of self discovery and trial and error.  I hesitated even writing about it, but I think it's important to remember and will be beneficial to look back on.  I think moments in life that feel like friction sort of wake you up in a way.  I had been feeling frustrated and even a little depressed for a while about my personal journey.  I was frustrated with feelings of not really ever achieving anything or feeling like I had all this potential that I had never fulfilled.  On the one hand I was holding on to a lot of regret for not doing more in my past and on the other hand I was trying to figure out what my future looked like.  Then I felt a lot of guilt and shame for not feeling entirely happy all the time.  I would look around and see all my blessings and felt gratitude for Jed and the kids, our home and possessions, and wasn't genuinely trying to be selfish.  So I couldn't quite figure out why I just wasn't content??!! January I had started another semester and so I was working on some marketing classes and started hearing more and more about digital marketing and online opportunities.  (My digital marketing business that crashed and burned last month was part of all of this.) I started following some marketers on social media and decided to look into one program called One Funnel Away.  It was really interesting and I wanted to follow along with it because it was 30 days long - basically to help you build an online course that would be ready to sell.  But I didn't feel like I had any knowledge specific enough to be worthy of selling.  Plus I had my regular school classes, plus watching Johnny, plus being in the YWs presidency, plus having 4 kids who were just coming out of the busiest winter ever, plus a husband.  It all became a little overwhelming and there were a few meltdowns from me.  I was also toying with starting a blog aside from this one that focused on travel, service, and learning.  I made this logo for it, but it just didn't seem totally right either.  Looking back now I wish I could tell myself to slow down and just not put so much pressure on myself to do it all.  Now writing this a year plus later I realize that I don't really regret taking action on things that didn't quite work out, but I've decided to chill out and enjoy the journey part of discovering what I need to be doing and the direction I'm going vs doing it all.  That semester I had to read a book called THE ONE THING and it was helpful in the fact that the main point was that we will be most successful when we focus on doing a few things really well vs a lot of things mediocre.  It has taken me over a year to really understand that but like I said this journey has been part of what I needed to learn I believe.  When the semester was over Ava gave me a sticker to congratulate me with finishing my 2nd semester that said "I love my brain."  A for Jed he says he has it all figured out - roping with his brothers and never having to go back to work would be the things that would make him happiest.

For YWs we collected fleece from ward members and made blankets for the women's shelter in Boise.  There were a few pieces of fabric that didn't get finished so one Sunday Kinsley and Ava cut the rest of them and we drove down to deliver them. I have such good kids, I'm not even sure I asked the girls to do this they just did it on their own. 

As much as being in YWs is a huge addition to time for me I do really like the girls and have had fun getting to know the new ones.  We had an activity in our yard one week with smore roasting and outdoor games.  Ava's group were able to go to the temple for baptisms.  I love being so close to the Meridian temple.  Not only is it just gorgeous, but it is a 10 minute drive up the road.  Ava has been going almost weekly with her dad.  They wake up early and go and she has time to do baptisms and then get dropped off to school.

Kinsley has been working so hard to grow out her hair to be able to donate it.  She doesn't have the fastest growing hair so it has taken her a few years.  She finally made it and we went to get her hair cut.  She was so giggly and excited.  She looked absolutely adorable and best of all she will get to help another little girl feel pretty too.

FUNNY MOMENTS -This month was a sleepy one for Dallin. It seemed like no matter where I turned he was asleep somewhere in the funniest positions.  These were all taken before he broke his collarbone too.

Watching Johnny has been easy on the one hand and not easy on the other.  He is a pretty happy baby and Dallin loves him so much.  But having another baby around is having another baby around and I've realized never gets "easier" no matter how many you have had.  Babies just take more time and attention and more willpower not to curse when you have to pack that stupid infant carseat around!  The biggest positive is that I'm getting paid for being home which I was already doing anyway. 

Here are some more cute ones of Dallin.  He is such a fun kid.  He loves waiting by the window for the kids to get home, being silly and making people laugh, still loves his basketball cards and playing basketball, and he has recently been obsessed with all the hard animal toys.  He will line them up all over the house.  His favorite animal is the tiger.

Kinsley is also super funny these days.  She loves to take my phone and get some good selfies.  She is giggly and loves being silly too.  She had written Ava a note one day and Ava wrote her back and asked her some questions about a boy in her class at church and she couldn't stop giggling as she was reading it.

These were some thoughts that were motivating to me this month.

I wanted to add a little note to this month.  I feel like it was a pretty spiritual moment for us in our lives and I want to make sure and write it down so we remember it.  This morning Jed and I went to the temple to get some more confirmation on moving. After going to see the offices of the doctor in eastern Idaho, Jed felt good about the decision.  We also went to dinner with Dr. Kovak and his wife and they seemed like really good people.  They had been burned by the previous doctor they had brought in so I think both sides were more hesitant.  So Jed and I had felt like this was the right decision, but we wanted to go to the temple before we committed.  We went early in the morning before Jed had to be at work.  We missed the session so we went in to do sealings.  We thought missing the session was a bad sign!  We were literally watching them walk down the hallway, but they wouldn't let us go with the session even though it wasn't full.  Anyway, we had names to do for sealings so that was ok.  It started off weird and in the course of the hour we had 3 different sealers rotate through. The first one was our first time hearing the new words since they had changed in the ordinance.  What stood out to Jed was the wording and how it had more qualities of gentleness, kindness, love.  He thought about Roman and Kylin and the difference between them and their personalities. He thought about how spending so much time at work would affect him and his personality and how the people we are around influence our personalities as well. What stood out to me with that first sealer was impressions about those types of words as well. One of my biggest concerns after living away from family for 10 years was being so close to family again. The gentleness, kindness, and love felt like it was an answer to my concerns that those are qualities that family can help teach me and help teach my children.

The 2nd sealer enunciated words particularly.  He was very specific to note the divine roles as mother, wife, husband, father.  Again my thoughts turned to the idea of how it takes a village to raise your children and your family can be that village.  This sealer took a break and paused to talk about Joseph Smith's vision and the glory of the Father and Son. He looked right at us and emphasized the fact that we have the same promise of the same glory.  He said to Jed, "You think she looks beautiful now, just wait.  If we could only see the blessings and wonders God has in store for us."  That was very touching for both of us because Jed and I aren't big risk takers. Even though want to know everything will be ok, we won't ever get confirmation on every point.  We muust walk forward in faith believing in that promise,  especially for our kids.  We have been so worried that they wouldn't get the same kind of education and educational opportunities, but the Spirit just seemed to say to both of us that God has blessings and wonders in store for us and we just need to trust Him.

The 3rd sealer was a very soft spoken gentleman.  We were about to start again when an older man came in that looked like John.  Jed said he was staring at him as he walked in because you know when you think someone looks like someone else you look a little longer. The old man gave Jed a wink.  Jed said he felt the Holy Ghost whisper, "Everything will be ok." Earlier this year, back in January at Samantha's farewell gathering, Jed had given his dad a blessing.  Jed said he thought about that and how he had felt prompted to tell his dad that he would receive help gaining comfort through the end of his life from both sides of the veil.  Jed said he felt he was a necessary part of that blessing  to physically be there to help even though he hadn't felt that when he gave the blessing. 

Afterward Jed and I slipped into a side room to talk before we had to leave.  We both agreed that at different times and sometimes during the same time we both had felt a strong spirit.  As we were talking we looked up to see one of my favorite pictures of Jesus.  He is standing in between two little girls - one with lighter skin and one with darker skin but both dressed like Nephites/Lamanites. It seemed like a simple message that Jesus is our ultimate comforter.  All the fears we have about taking this leap of faith are justified and understandable, but through Jesus our fears can be changed to calmness and peace because of eternal perspective.  It seemed very clear that the main message from the Spirit that day in the temple was "Faith in God's plan and in His timing." Nothing happens by chance.